T
he Phat Phree
OMG! IT’S PEOPLE! THAT YOU HATE! This book is a collection of modern soliloquies rendered in the style of some of the most irritating and despicable people we have the misfortune to run into. Charming people like:
I Just Made Some Statements that I Can’t Back Up
“No, the pineal gland is the third eye. Fourth eye is the gall bladder. I’m sorry, I can’t tell you my sensei’s name. He’s wanted by the army of Myanmar… Check this out. This is called a death punch. If I used it against you it would instantly break all 206 bones in your body”
I’m Your Cool Teacher
“I wear tight blue jeans to work, as I find this further breaks down the barrier between student and teach…I complement the Levi’s with a sport coat in order to be appease the powers that be…The only thing I don’t allow in my class is for you to not like me.”
I Want You To Be in My Wedding
‘Since we’re pretty tight, I want you to be in the wedding… As for the bachelor party, I was hoping you could put that together. I was definitely thinking Vegas…Of course you won’t need a hotel room if you have family down there. I doubt you have family in Antigua, though…Send your RSVP bas as soon as possible, because if we can’t make it, I need to get someone from the the B list. We need asses in the seats!”